Born in a broken-down Brooklyn taxi on a humid
day in July, Brian Hamilton was later
discovered abandoned on the steps of the local x-rated cinema
by Herschel, a grumpy midget Rabbi from Bensonhurst. He was
schooled by rebellious nuns at Our Lady of the Blasted
Sacrilege. At age twelve he was kidnapped by a band of
hostile Gypsies and forced to tap dance for tourists from
France who tossed their cigarette butts at his feet. Tired of
subsisting on a diet of stale pita and grape leaves, he
escaped his captors one evening using a two-humped camel and
a stolen moped. In the rain. On a Monday. Wearing only his
purple pajama bottoms.
Now he lives in sunny Hollywood, California entertaining
millions through the magic of electronic media. You've
probably seen his malleable mug race across your TV screen
countless times!